Dear Adoption, You Always Knew
Where do I begin? … How do I begin?
So many unanswered questions fill my mind as I think of you, adoption.
What I really want to know is: how did you know?
How did you know exactly what I needed to grow? How did you know what challenges to put on my path? Did you trust me? You must have. I did not trust you. But now I have learned, now I can listen, now I know you were always there for me, adoption.
Like a phoenix I have risen. My wings are large and bright. I plan to soar and go as far as my wings will take me. Thank you for my wings, by the way, without you I would be in a cage wondering why do I have these wings if they do not work? I know that I am my own key to my freedom. I know that I have all the answers within me. So, I guess as it turns out, I don’t really have many questions for you, just one thing to say: Thank you.
To my birth mother: My fetus self craves you, my infant self misses you, my child self hates you, my adolescent self is confused by you, and my adult self has so much gratitude for you. I send you gratitude each day for giving me up so I could have the life I lead today. Thank you for being self-less and knowing that I had big plans, and you would be unable to support me. Thank you for letting me shine, and thank you for letting me go. I love you.
Lauren Fishbein is an international adoptee, adopted from Temuco, Chile in 1989. She was adopted at 6 weeks old and grew up in Baltimore Maryland with her who White adoptive parents. Lauren is currently working as a play therapist who practices in Denver, CO. As an international adoptee, Lauren has dedicated her work to being a support for adoptees and their families.