gallery Dear Adoption, You Always Knew


Dear Adoption, You Always Knew

Where do I begin? … How do I begin?

So many unanswered questions fill my mind as I think of you, adoption.

What I really want to know is: how did you know?

How did you know exactly what I needed to grow? How did you know what challenges to put on my path? Did you trust me? You must have. I did not trust you. But now I have learned, now I can listen, now I know you were always there for me, adoption.

Like a phoenix I have risen. My wings are large and bright. I plan to soar and go as far as my wings will take me. Thank you for my wings, by the way, without you I would be in a cage wondering why do I have these wings if they do not work? I know that I am my own key to my freedom. I know that I have all the answers within me. So, I guess as it turns out, I don’t really have many questions for you, just one thing to say: Thank you.
To my birth mother: My fetus self craves you, my infant self misses you, my child self hates you, my adolescent self is confused by you, and my adult self has so much gratitude for you. I send you gratitude each day for giving me up so I could have the life I lead today. Thank you for being self-less and knowing that I had big plans, and you would be unable to support me. Thank you for letting me shine, and thank you for letting me go. I love you.



Lauren Fishbein is an international adoptee, adopted from Temuco, Chile in 1989. She was adopted at 6 weeks old and grew up in Baltimore Maryland with her who White adoptive parents. Lauren is currently working as a play therapist who practices in Denver, CO. As an international adoptee, Lauren has dedicated her work to being a support for adoptees and their families. 


  1. Very sad to read that you are grateful your mother let you go. How the hell do you know what she went through? Did she give you up willingly? (I doubt it). Was she raped? Did she abandon you on the streets? Were you stolen? Were you stolen at birth or from your family as a young child?

    It doesn’t seem to me as if you know anything at all about adoption. It seems that you are young, and naive, and are drinking the cool aid.

    Grateful my ass. You are only looking at the privileges you have because of your removal from your homeland and your family.

    The gravity of your loss will hit you one day. I feel sorry for you, little one.


  2. My initial reaction to this submission was much like “legitimate’s” above as I have never been grateful for being gifted as one would gift underwear or socks.

    Hopefully this positive thinking will continue to work for you!

    Best wishes!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hi Lauren – glad that your adult self is at peace. I don’t presume to know where your journey will lead you. It sounds like those commenting above feel you haven’t processed your adoption yet, but maybe you are actually further down that path then they are. Regardless, I wish you well!


  4. You are an inspiration Lauren. I appreciate your vulnerability, gratitude, and insight. I’m disappointed by the patronizing and ignorant comments above. I wish the two first commenters on this post all the luck in their own self discovery, and hope that one day they can put positivity into the world, just as you do everyday.


    • Patronizing and ignorant comments? Luck in my own self discovery?

      OMG, did you even check the link to my screen name that leads to my blog? Of course not! You assume erroneously that I am young, have not a clue, and don’t know myself.

      I assure you that I have 62 years of being alive, 44 years being in reunion, 43 years of being an activist. I have suffered the death of my natural mother in 1956 at my age of 3 months, have endured being found at my age of 18 in 1974, and have suffered the death of my adoptive father at my age of 24. I have suffered the death of my natural father and adoptive mother three months apart in 2011.

      I have attended national and international adoption conferences since 1987, have a social work degree, and have written a memoir. I am currently working on a book with another activist whom I’ve known since 1980.

      I have been working for adoptee civil and human rights since 1976 (letters to legislators, visiting them in person, calling and doing public outreach).

      I have been interviewed on radio and TV and have written newspaper articles on adoption since 1975. I have been published in social work journals in USA, England, and The Netherlands, have been published in a Dutch language anthology. I presented a short paper to a professional panel who were appointed by President Bush – the President’s Council of Bioethics – in 2005 in Washington DC. I have been published in the United States Congressional Record and The Law Reform Commission of New South Wales Australia.

      I’ve researched birth certificate and adoption law and have written and published several detailed articles on this subject. (see my website – follow the link at my screenname)

      I am presenting monthly workshops on adoptees’ revoked and sealed and replaced birth certificates and adoption psychology in my home city.

      Those are all of my accomplishments as I continue to work for civil and human rights for all adopted people throughout the world.

      Tell me again that I am not putting “positivity into the world”?

      What have YOU, Tru, done to further the cause of adoptees’ human and civil rights? What have YOU done to influence positive change for adoptees and our natural parents?

      I am lucky enough to have personally known as colleagues and friends the first activists who started the USA movement: Jean Paton, Florence Fisher, Betty Jean Lifton, Annette Baran and Reuben Pannor, all of whom wrote the very first books on the adoptee experience and social work and psychology. If you don’t know who they are/were and don’t know their books, then it is YOU who are ignorant!

      The very fact that your screen name is anonymous tells me you either are a neophyte, in the closet for some reason, or are a troll.

      As for Viorica Culea, the link to her website leads to this message: “ doesn’t exist”

      Nice Going, both of you. Hide behind your anonymity. Follow the link to my website and read it. You might learn a few things about who I am and what I stand for.

      The author of this post has right to express her opinions. She will someday wake up to realize that being grateful is exactly what we adoptees are taught to be. She hasn’t developed in her own self yet.


  5. Don’t let people shame you because you are grateful. We are all entitled to express our feelings and tell our stories. Shame on those who are attacking you. Thank you for sharing your story.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s