gallery Dear Adoption, Listen


Dear Adoption, Listen

You are such a big thing. Everyone knows you in a different way. I know you as some good and some bad. I want people who aren’t adopted to know how hard it is to be switched from one life/family/future to another life/family/future. Yes I know that some of us are better off after being switched by adoption but it’s still a hard thing even for us. I’m grateful for the life I have but why does that mean you get all the credit, Adoption? Why does it feel like I have to prove I’m grateful? People just expect me to be grateful I was adopted. It bothers me that people won’t listen to how hard it is even if I was given a better life. Who can say that though 100%? I guess I am somewhat grateful for you Adoption but I’m also not sure I should have to be. I know so many people who had harder lives than me with their adoptive family so how can I tell them adoption is good? I feel like nobody can say if it’s good or bad except for each adopted person. Mine is good and bad. Is anyone’s anything all good or all bad? Maybe I’m the only one.

Adoption you tried and so did my mom and dad. You guys tried to give me so much Chinese culture and really stuffed it down my throat. The only thing is that you don’t understand that I don’t really know how I fit into my culture or if I know it’s really mine. It’s confusing because didn’t you and my parents save me from my country? And now the thing you say you want most is for me to embrace my country and my culture. How can you take somebody away from something and then tell them to embrace it? It’s confusing and I wish you would just see the obvious even when I can’t really speak it to you. I don’t know how I feel about China because I’m confused about who I am and you aren’t really helping even though you think you are. I think you should try harder to listen. I’m trying. I’ve been trying my whole life but it doesn’t feel like you’re trying to do anything besides convincing me I should just be grateful.

I would like people to know if you aren’t adopted you just don’t get it and you never totally will. It’s impossible for you to understand totally but if you want to get close to understanding then you should listen. You want me to just be grateful and I want you to just listen. I would be a lot more grateful if you would just listen.

This piece was submitted anonymously by an 18 year old adoptee from China. She is studying at university in order to enter the field of social work and advocate for children.


  1. I am so glad you are studying to be a social worker. You will be a big comfort to children who feel misunderstood and a great trainer of parents who need to better understand the conflicting and strong emotions that their children carry with them every day.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on Gazelle's Scirocco Winds and commented:
    Message to non-adoptees-you just don’t get i9t!
    Message to adopted- like DNA we are 99.5 % alike and only 0.5% different… but we ach have our own voces, our own perspectives, our own experiences, and our own ideas about benefits/risks/losses.


  3. So beautifully written and so on point. 100%! Love you my fellow Adoptees! We are all different but feel the same pain. No butts about it.


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