gallery Dear Adoption, I Hate You

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Dear Adoption, I Hate You

I hate that my mom gave me away to strangers.

I hate that I have always wondered who she is, what she looks like, how her voice sounds, if she ever thinks about me.

I hate that my adoptive parents love adoption so much because it gave them me.

I hate that I am supposed to be perfect and better off.

I hate that I hate something everyone else seems to love.

I hate that I have had a really great life but I still wish I had the first life I was actually born into.

I hate my nose.

I hate my skin.

I hate my feet.

I hate that I don’t know whose nose, skin or feet I have.

I hate you, Adoption.

I hate that you are so painful but claim to be healing.

I hate that you claim to put fires out but don’t acknowledge everything that was scorched is what actually matters the most to me.

I hate you, Adoption.

From,
T.N.
16 years old
Basketball
XBOX

///

Interview with the writer:

DA,: Why did you decide to write this piece?

T.N.: I actually wrote it in my diary when I was 15. I started reading Dear Adoption, and I wanted to be someone who shared to help someone else not feel so alone too.

DA,: At Dear Adoption, we don’t reveal the identities of writers under 18. If you were 18 would you have still written anonymously?

T.N.: I don’t really know how I will feel when I’m 18 but I don’t think I want my family to know I wrote this. I would feel so bad if it made them feel bad and it probably would.

DA,: Do you think your family knows you feel this way at all?

T.N.: I feel like they don’t because they really love that I’m adopted and my whole family is always talking about how happy they are that I came from India. I don’t really talk about my feelings very much.

DA,: Is there anything else you want to say?

T.N.: I just want other people to know that being adopted is a lot harder than you think. I wish my parents knew or that they could know that without it making them feel bad. I couldn’t handle if they felt bad because they knew I wish I wasn’t adopted. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them. It’s just a lot harder than people think.

This piece was submitted by a 16 year old adoptee from India.

9 comments

  1. I think you are brilliant and brave for sharing your honest feelings. I’m adopted and I remember how hard it was as 15/16 and I wish I had been half as articulate as you. It still is, but I think together we can help each other. I hope you feel you can reach out to the adoption community and chat if you want. You’re awesome.

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  2. Your parents will love you even if they knew. Your parents probably want to be there for you and support you through these feelings. Don’t worry so much about making them feel bad. Not telling them might make them feel worse that you had to struggle with this feeling alone. Much love!

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  3. It is hard. I’m almost 45, have met my bio parents who love me, and it is still hard. It’s hard. It’s hard to grieve the life you craved. It’s hard to accept that it will never be. It’s hard to love your adopted family and feel these feelings and it’s hard to accept they’ll never understand as you do as they have not walked your path. It’s hard. The beautiful thing is if you are willing to dive to the depths of your soul and grab those pebbles of strength to keep going that all are not able to you will come out stronger! This path is not for the weak. I don’t know you but I understand and send love ❤ You will be okay. And you are helping others by sharing.

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