gallery Dear Adoption, Dear Dad


Dear Adoption, Dear Dad

This year I found some groups on Facebook for adoptees. The people in them talk about their (birth) mom’s a lot. Nobody talks that much about their (birth) dad’s in the groups I’m in.

I don’t know why not that many people talk about you in the groups or in my life, Dad. I think about you a lot.

I grew up with a single, adoptive mom so that is probably why I think about you (dad) so much. I never had someone that was like a dad.

I don’t know who/where you are, dad.

Do you know that you have a son, dad?

It is weird to miss something that you didn’t actually have. It makes you feel crazy.

I wish I didn’t have to be adopted away from my family but I don’t really know that my life would be better or worse with or without adoption. I just know that if I wasn’t adopted I could at least know all of the stuff I don’t know.

I wish you could have stayed my dad, Dad. I have a lot of things I want to know about you and about dads.

I miss you, Dad, and I miss all of the things I don’t know about having a dad.

“Dad” Word Count: 12 (probably the most I ever used that word because I don’t have a reason to use it in my regular life)

This piece was submitted anonymously by a domestic adoptee living in the U.S.


  1. I’m sorry you don’t know your dad either. Today the New York Times has an opinion piece about two dads adopting a baby. That’s what the dad’s want.
    What does the baby want? This is the unasked question I just don’t understand.
    The baby wants it’s own mother. The baby wants its own father .
    I think often about my beautiful daughter’s bio father. Boy did he miss out. Boy did he make a bad decision. Boy I hope he regrets it. Of course we don’t know what we don’t know, but I can tell you I certainly regret my decision to buy into the idea that my pregnancy was shameful, and my daughter would be better off with “Real married parents.”! I’m brokenhearted for myself, I’m lucky to know her. I hope you get to know your bio dad. And I hope you’ll be a fabulous father to your own biological children.
    I know many adoptive fathers and I have to say they are fantastic people. I hope they are open to their “child “getting to know and maybe even love their own biological parents. Thank you for a tender post

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your post really touched me. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I managed to find who my birth dad was, but he died before I got to meet him. Best wishes to you on your journey.


  3. Your post is beautiful, and I resonate with the longing and the pain. My “dad” did not know that he had fathered me until 36 years after the fact when I appeared in his life. He had married later in life, and his wife brought three children into the marriage with her and so they decided not to have one of their own. When I appeared my father’s wife felt that I was a threat to her children’s inheritance and so she made him cut off all contact with me. I carry the pain of that with me daily. I feel abandoned all over again, and it hurts in ways too painful to describe.


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