Dear Adoption, You’ve Got Some Explaining to Do
When I first met you in the 60’s you were praised by all I knew. Just the mention of your name conjured up visions of little orphan Annie and I was so glad I got to have a mommy & daddy. Fast forward 50 years and you look very different to me now!
You claimed, Adoption, to be a blessing for a family praying to have babies of their own.
You said to my parents, with hearts of gold, “Just tell them they’re special, chosen by you, just love them as if they’re yours and there will be no worries. No one will even know the difference.” Well, Adoption, WE ALL KNEW the difference and it wasn’t very pretty!
Where were you, Adoption, while my mom cried on her death bed apologizing to me? Her last tears were falling in empathy for the hurt she saw but did not dare approach; stating she knew unconditional love would not fix it, yet, she did not know what else she could do? Where were you while they suffered guilt and believed themselves to be failures at parenting? Well let me remind you, Adoption, you were nowhere to be found. The only evidence of you was a dusty, old piece of paper in a box and a long-lost dream of a happy family. You took advantage of their kind nature and used their childlessness against them for your own gain; leaving them with traumatized babies they were ill-equipped to care for and then you moved on down the road without ever looking back. I say, Adoption, you cannot create babies for people without, so please stop claiming you can.
You claimed, Adoption, to be a brave solution for a mother unsure of her ability to parent.
You said to her, “No worries, you’ll just forget all about this and go on to have a wonderful life”. You told her she would have other babies and that you were proud of how brave and upstanding she was to make someone else’s dreams come true.
What you failed to tell her, Adoption, was that her life would never be the same again! You failed to tell her that missing and fretting over her lost baby would be a constant pain to be endured for all her remaining days. Did you really believe it was no big deal to lose a child? You broke her heart with lies for your own gain and moved on down the road without ever looking back. I say, Adoption, you should not be called brave or a solution, more accurately, you thrive on fear and cause as many problems as you solve!
You claimed, Adoption, to be a forever home filled with better opportunities, A WIN/WIN where everyone is oh so lucky and grateful.
You said to me “It doesn’t matter where you came from or who you look and think like. All that matters is you have two parents who love you now”. You told me not to question things – to just let them go – you said my mother was too young to care for me and I should just forget about her all together. You made me believe my feelings were wrong and so I began to lock them away. Unable to build a healthy self-esteem I grieved in silence while the rest of the world told me I should just be grateful. You said family doesn’t matter and at the same time told me I’m so lucky to have a family! Adoption does that even make sense to you? It’s no wonder I was confused as hell and angry as I watched you move on down the road without ever looking back.
Adoption, did you really believe a human baby would not know the difference between their own mother and a stranger or that it would make no difference? Did you really think that crying for one’s mother day after day at the very beginning of life would not have any effect; that losing a mother was not a traumatic experience for a vulnerable child? Adoption, have you even studied child development and psychology? Would you be grateful if your own family gave you away as a “gift”? I say, Adoption, “I’m so grateful and lucky my own family didn’t keep me?”, NOT!
I look forward to your reply, Adoption, so we can set up a time to sit down together and face the truth in these matters. It seems you have shape-shifted from a benevolent way to help children who NEED families into a callous business model that goes about collecting it’s riches and moving on without ever looking back at the messes you’ve created.