Dear Adoption, You Stole Me
You took away my rights.
You put a price on me with your ‘legal fees’.
You took me from my mother.
You took me from my brother.
Then, you gave me a new mother.
And a new father.
You took away my name.
Then, you gave me a new name.
You gave me a fake birth certificate.
And a fake family tree.
You sent me to a new country.
You took away my culture.
You made me a foreigner.
You stole me.
But, I should be grateful?
You made me think that you saved me.
You glamourised my adoption.
You glamourised my loss.
You made me feel out of place.
You made me feel worthless.
Because.. I had to be ‘saved’..
You gave me opportunities.
And made me feel grateful to you for them.
But I couldn’t live up to the expectations.
I wasn’t the perfect child.
I was angry.
I was confused.
I was sad.
But you trained me well, so I smiled.
Most of the time, I hid the pain.
You made me feel I was being ungrateful.
You told me I was ‘special’, that I was ‘chosen’.
But you made me feel like an outcast.
You made me hurt myself.
You give to the rich.
You take from the vulnerable.
Are you legalised baby trafficking?
You are a safer version of the black market.
You make people think they are helping.
You are not always the solution.
You encourage poverty.
You tell women they are not good enough for their own babies.
You encourage the vulnerable to stay vulnerable.
Sometimes you help.
You gave me a good life.
You gave me good parents.
But you made me lonely.
There was something missing.
I struggled with infertility.
Just like my parents.
This hit a nerve.
Because, I would only feel whole once I had my baby.
My flesh, my blood.
You helped me to help others that you have hurt.
You made me a minority to whom most won’t listen.
Because we should simply be thankful…
You gave me a voice to stand up to you.
You try to silence me.
But instead, you give me strength.
You taught me to be grateful for my loss.
A double loss.
I lost my mother twice.
You taught me that losing those I love most, is unimportant.
That it should be celebrated.
Or just ignored.
So I never got too close too anyone.
Until I had my daughter…
Now I know what motherly love is.
And now I hurt even more for my mother who lost me.
[…] Source: Dear Adoption, You Stole Me […]
Whether as a domestic or international adoptee, most of us have these feelings of the llama, Push-Me-Pull-You, in Around the World in 90 Days. Thank you for sharing your story, Linzi.
Thank you for your beautiful statement, Linzi. You speak for me, too.
Such beautiful word’s.
And your words completely some up, what adoption theft is truly like. ♡
Most can never understand the contradictions, the ironies, the internal conflict, the dichotomy felt by adoptees, even under the best of circumstances. Even as I write this “adoptee” is underlined because it is not a word that is recognized by a dictionary, a word that does not exist; there are adopters, adoptive parents, etc., but for the children that are adopted, no word, no recognition. As if they do not exist. In the legal system we don’t have all of the same rights as every other person has. We were children, minors, vulnerable, incapable of deciding anything for ourselves at the time…but as adults we are still denied access to the most fundamental legal document of our existence, an original accurate birth certificate. This is not something done in most of the world, but here in the United States in all but a few states this is still the case.
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This was a very moving poem. In my family kids were adopted from overseas…..I wonder if their bio parents ever think of them?
Linzi, you also speak for the mothers. I am grateful to you for your understanding and good heart.
I was a foster care worker in America for a few years I’ve seen the good and the ugly of the system. I understand your pain
However you must decide to be happy and not dwell on things you can not change. God has a plan.
In Islam anyone who dares to speak for Allah(God) they are in deep trouble. It is called shirk.. and a definite no! no! And how do you arrive at understanding another’s pain? Bah humbug! You no more understand Cyndi’s pain or mine or those who you caused misery to who were involuntarily place in ‘ care” ….
Allah/God or whatever one chooses to call their creator doesn’t put children in pain, misery or keep them from what is their rightful inheritance. He is not responsible for the misery humans make amongst one another -only humans do that!
We who have the good sense God gave us have been able to change many things despite others just like you telling us simply to accept…Dissent and resistance and the heartbeat of change in this world. They are the core of freedom from what is unjust-like foster care workers and court appointed ‘parents’!
You are the epitome of the great wrong done to vulnerable children trapped in this vicious cycle of conscripting children and keeping them from their roots…and stealing identities and relations…
You go off to your ‘happy place’ if you must, an leave us to continue to attempt to undo all of the harm people like you have done to us…WE SHALL OVERCOM E! Just watch!
Sorry I just read your comment. Not sure you fully understand the American system but I don’t have to defend myself against you for any job I held. And by the way that was 25 years ago. Children can be put in the system for various reasons. If parents are abusive physically sexually or neglected or even if both parents died. And since you don’t know me your opinion of me doesn’t change my life one bit. I am a servant of Jesus Christ the true God and my prayers are that you come to know Him. Have an awesome day.
I am extremely happy. What I write is the truth, and I write it because I expect change for future adoptees.
To bfavorable, You tout the “God has a plan”.
Here is something the word of God says, “As he who takes away a coat in winter and vinegar upon nitre, so he who sings songs to a heavy heart”. Proverbs
In other words it’s a cold (cruel) thing to do and have you ever poured vinegar on baking soda? (Nitre is another name for baking soda.) It foams up violently.
Your “forget it and be happy”, is in no way helpful or healing. Work on it, and truly try to understand. Because if you ever did really understand it, you seem to have forgotten what being in that pain was truly like.
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Good rejoinder, Cindy!
Thank you all for your support 💜
It is because I believe you that I told my son’s birthmother that if she decided to parent, she’d make a terrific mother and I’d support her. She didn’t. She placed him with me.
It’s because I believe you that we didn’t adopt overseas, and that we keep and maintain loving contact with our son’s first parents, and their parents, and siblings, and other relations…
It’s because I believe you that I tell my son it’s okay to wonder what life would have been liked if he had lived with Krysta and Wes, and he doesn’t have to feel guilty about that or think he’s hurting our feelings.
It’s because I believe you that I hold as tender ever single time that vulnerable boy calls me Mama, knowing that I hold his life in trust and I’m accountable to his birth families.
I am a child of the global south. I am the adoptive mother to a white male American boy.
I believe you.
And thank you