Dear Adoption, You Stole Me
You took away my rights.
You put a price on me with your ‘legal fees’.
You took me from my mother.
You took me from my brother.
Then, you gave me a new mother.
And a new father.
You took away my name.
Then, you gave me a new name.
You gave me a fake birth certificate.
And a fake family tree.
You sent me to a new country.
You took away my culture.
You made me a foreigner.
You stole me.
But, I should be grateful?
You made me think that you saved me.
You glamourised my adoption.
You glamourised my loss.
You made me feel out of place.
You made me feel worthless.
Because.. I had to be ‘saved’..
You gave me opportunities.
And made me feel grateful to you for them.
But I couldn’t live up to the expectations.
I wasn’t the perfect child.
I was angry.
I was confused.
I was sad.
But you trained me well, so I smiled.
Most of the time, I hid the pain.
You made me feel I was being ungrateful.
You told me I was ‘special’, that I was ‘chosen’.
But you made me feel like an outcast.
You made me hurt myself.
You give to the rich.
You take from the vulnerable.
Are you legalised baby trafficking?
You are a safer version of the black market.
You make people think they are helping.
You are not always the solution.
You encourage poverty.
You tell women they are not good enough for their own babies.
You encourage the vulnerable to stay vulnerable.
Sometimes you help.
You gave me a good life.
You gave me good parents.
But you made me lonely.
There was something missing.
I struggled with infertility.
Just like my parents.
This hit a nerve.
Because, I would only feel whole once I had my baby.
My flesh, my blood.
You helped me to help others that you have hurt.
You made me a minority to whom most won’t listen.
Because we should simply be thankful…
You gave me a voice to stand up to you.
You try to silence me.
But instead, you give me strength.
You taught me to be grateful for my loss.
A double loss.
I lost my mother twice.
You taught me that losing those I love most, is unimportant.
That it should be celebrated.
Or just ignored.
So I never got too close too anyone.
Until I had my daughter…
Now I know what motherly love is.
And now I hurt even more for my mother who lost me.