gallery Dear Adoption, You Stole Me

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Dear Adoption, You Stole Me

You took away my rights.

You put a price on me with your ‘legal fees’.

You took me from my mother.

You took me from my brother.

Then, you gave me a new mother.

And a new father.

You took away my name.

Then, you gave me a new name.

You gave me a fake birth certificate.

And a fake family tree.

You sent me to a new country.

You took away my culture.

You made me a foreigner.

You stole me.

But, I should be grateful?

You made me think that you saved me.

You glamourised my adoption.

You glamourised my loss.

You made me feel out of place.

You made me feel worthless.

Because.. I had to be ‘saved’..

You gave me opportunities.

And made me feel grateful to you  for them.

But I couldn’t live up to the expectations.

I wasn’t the perfect child.

I was angry.

I was confused.

I was sad.

But you trained me well, so I smiled.

Most of the time, I hid the pain.

You made me feel I was being ungrateful.

You told me I was ‘special’, that I was ‘chosen’.

But you made me feel like an outcast.

You made me hurt myself.

You give to the rich.

You take from the vulnerable.

Are you legalised baby trafficking?

You are a safer version of the black market.

You make people think they are helping.

You are not always the solution.

You encourage poverty.

You tell women they are not good enough for their own babies.

You encourage the vulnerable to stay vulnerable.

Sometimes you help.

You gave me a good life.

You gave me good parents.

But you made me lonely.

There was something missing.

I struggled with infertility.

Just like my parents.

This hit a nerve.

Because, I would only feel whole once I had my baby.

My flesh, my blood.

You helped me to help others that you have hurt.

You made me a minority to whom most won’t listen.

Because we should simply be thankful…

You gave me a voice to stand up to you.

You try to silence me.

But instead, you give me strength.

You taught me to be grateful for my loss.

A double loss.

I lost my mother twice.

How confusing.

You taught me that losing those I love most, is unimportant.

That it should be celebrated.

Or just ignored.

So I never got too close too anyone.

Until I had my daughter…

Now I know what motherly love is.

And now I hurt even more for my mother who lost me.

Linzi was adopted from Sri Lanka in 1986. She was raised by wonderful adoptive parents in Australia. At the age of 19 she returned to Sri Lanka. Upon return, Linzi reunited with her biological mother, Babynona and learned she had been stolen from her; not given up for adoption of her mother’s own choice or due to a specific circumstance. Her adoptive parents were unaware of this fact, but did confirm that the woman who handed Linzi over in court was not the same woman; not her mother. Linzi’s mother died in a horrific accident and she has struggled ever since. She is thankful to have found her mother and to have had a short lived relationship with the beautiful stranger who gave her life; her amma.

7 comments

  1. Whether as a domestic or international adoptee, most of us have these feelings of the llama, Push-Me-Pull-You, in Around the World in 90 Days. Thank you for sharing your story, Linzi.

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  2. Most can never understand the contradictions, the ironies, the internal conflict, the dichotomy felt by adoptees, even under the best of circumstances. Even as I write this “adoptee” is underlined because it is not a word that is recognized by a dictionary, a word that does not exist; there are adopters, adoptive parents, etc., but for the children that are adopted, no word, no recognition. As if they do not exist. In the legal system we don’t have all of the same rights as every other person has. We were children, minors, vulnerable, incapable of deciding anything for ourselves at the time…but as adults we are still denied access to the most fundamental legal document of our existence, an original accurate birth certificate. This is not something done in most of the world, but here in the United States in all but a few states this is still the case.

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