gallery Dear Adoption, I Am Not Grateful, Chosen, or Lucky

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Dear Adoption, I Am Not Grateful, Chosen, or Lucky

I have a story I was never allowed to know. I was wanted. I was loved. And I was taken anyway.

I am finding my voice after being silenced for too long. I have much to say… Adoption, you are the sadness in my eyes, the stolen identity, the heavy burden of grief I carry. Adoption, you are the reason I miss my natural mother and long for a deeper connection to my brothers. Adoption, you took so much from me and you never gave it back.

Adoption, you are a trauma I never should’ve had to endure. You tortured my soul and never asked how I felt. Adoption, you gave me a different life, not a better one.

The Beginning

I did not go home with my natural mother from the hospital. At just a few days old I was put into a foster home for between 5 and 7 months. The true duration of my stay there is unknown as well as who I stayed with because of the lies.

My mother lost me to false accusations of neglect. She was preyed on as a poor, single mother with no support and mental illness.

So I grew up in a small rural town an hour away from my natural mother. I grew up resisting the name and identity that had been given to me. I failed to meet the expectations of what being their daughter really meant. Because I am a boy. Because I was never a blank slate. Because my true self could not be taken away like everything else. Because abuse could not erase who I am.

Adoption, you were cruel to me, but you did not break me.

Axton is a single parent and graduate student. He is studying social work and has a deep need to help others. He has a special interest in working with those dealing with trauma and LGBTQ+ challenges. 


  1. Sorry you were lied to. I was coerced into giving up my son because my pregnancy would embarrass the family and I searched for him for years and finally found him and his adoptive parents freaked out and want me to have absolutely nothing to do with him. My God he is an adult 30 years old, let that be his decision!!!!!!!


  2. As an adoptive parent your pain and the pain of my children’s loss do not go unnoticed…..thank you for words many can not verbalize.


  3. I am so very sorry for your pain. I am an adoptive mother. I have worked super hard to find birth families of our children. We tell each child their story. It is their life. We don’t pretend that we are their only parents and we encourage them to stay connected to safe family members. I am so very sorry for your pain. I hope you can find your birth mother.


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