gallery Dear Adoption, I Am Not Grateful, Chosen, or Lucky

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Dear Adoption, I Am Not Grateful, Chosen, or Lucky

I have a story I was never allowed to know. I was wanted. I was loved. And I was taken anyway.

I am finding my voice after being silenced for too long. I have much to say… Adoption, you are the sadness in my eyes, the stolen identity, the heavy burden of grief I carry. Adoption, you are the reason I miss my natural mother and long for a deeper connection to my brothers. Adoption, you took so much from me and you never gave it back.

Adoption, you are a trauma I never should’ve had to endure. You tortured my soul and never asked how I felt. Adoption, you gave me a different life, not a better one.

The Beginning

I did not go home with my natural mother from the hospital. At just a few days old I was put into a foster home for between 5 and 7 months. The true duration of my stay there is unknown as well as who I stayed with because of the lies.

My mother lost me to false accusations of neglect. She was preyed on as a poor, single mother with no support and mental illness.

So I grew up in a small rural town an hour away from my natural mother. I grew up resisting the name and identity that had been given to me. I failed to meet the expectations of what being their daughter really meant. Because I am a boy. Because I was never a blank slate. Because my true self could not be taken away like everything else. Because abuse could not erase who I am.

Adoption, you were cruel to me, but you did not break me.

Axton is a single parent and graduate student. He is studying social work and has a deep need to help others. He has a special interest in working with those dealing with trauma and LGBTQ+ challenges. 

7 comments

  1. Sorry you were lied to. I was coerced into giving up my son because my pregnancy would embarrass the family and I searched for him for years and finally found him and his adoptive parents freaked out and want me to have absolutely nothing to do with him. My God he is an adult 30 years old, let that be his decision!!!!!!!

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  2. As an adoptive parent your pain and the pain of my children’s loss do not go unnoticed…..thank you for words many can not verbalize.

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  3. I am so very sorry for your pain. I am an adoptive mother. I have worked super hard to find birth families of our children. We tell each child their story. It is their life. We don’t pretend that we are their only parents and we encourage them to stay connected to safe family members. I am so very sorry for your pain. I hope you can find your birth mother.

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  4. I lost my son four years ago, he was two and half at that time and it was after I gave birth to my daughter three weeks later I lost my kids because my baby dads didn’t get on with one other and decided to go to social services and tell them lies and even though I still tried fighting for my kids they put my son up for adoption he is 6 now and I write to him twice a year but I would do anything just to see him again.. I’ve turnt my life around and am now working it just breaks my heart everyday not being with my son or even my daughter who is 4now. The pain is unbearable and to not know where he is and to not have any pictures it just breaks my heart.

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  5. Today is my son laytons 7th birthday he got taken in to care along with his brother in november 2014 i was told id have them back within 6 months this was not the case due to the corruption of the social services and saying i have mental helath issues which i do not and can prove i do not have. My boys have now been adopted for about 3 years i write once a year which i find hard because i should not be having to write letters to my boys. I am.not aloud to send cards presents for birthdays or christmas’s. Im aloud no direct contact not even aloud a picture this is the adopters decision so ive been told. I didnt even get to meet the adopters after being promiced i would beable to. I miss both of my boys dearly there is a big part of me missing i am not the girl i usto once be and this is all due to lies and false reports from the social services. This happends to thoussands of people each day most of the children that get adopted are agaisnt the biological parents wishes and the childrens wishes to my boys pleaded to come home when i usto see them at the contact centre but if i had taken them then then the police would have been called like they was on the last day i saw my boys because we all got upset knowing it.was the last time we would see eachother for a very long time or if ever again so they called the police and they watched whilst i kissed my boys goodbye. Heartbreaking but aparentley this is legal. This is.child abuse nothing else…. i.love in the poem where it says i was given a different life not a better one because this is.true i.could and would care for my boys ita just natural for a mother to do so those boys where loved and cared for vety happy always smiling and had routine…

    One day i hope.to see them again.

    Layton and levi i love you very.much. love mum xxxx

    Tanya cadd.

    Northampton

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