Dear Adoption, I Have Painfully Learned to Accept You / Munnia’s Story, Part 2
Read Part 1 here.
When I think about you, Adoption, I think about the changes of environment, family, circumstances, faith, and emotions.
I think about the horrors that I had to face as a small child being separated from my biological family. I think about being on the streets asking deep questions about myself and wondering where my parents were? I think about the many days where food was scarce and government home life was unstable with other orphaned children around me. I think about the nights where I cried myself to sleep because I was losing my identity and my culture, I was losing me. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I felt so alone and scared. I think about the memories I blocked just to get through the nightmares I was experiencing. Adoption, you have turned my world upside down in more than one way and more than one time.
Adoption, you have taught me that despite the bad I have endured, in the name of abandonment and rejection, there is still good to be found. In the midst of uncertainties and not knowing the culture and language of my new life, I have found faith in Christ to be my deliverer. With Jesus walking beside me, life is easier to process and handle. My losses and my questions have meaning and value. Even future family tragedies have been gracefully handled with care despite my objections. Everything, good and bad, have its divine approval. And I have a sanctuary when I simply don’t understand the purpose of my pain or see the demons of the past I was fighting.
For you see Adoption, I had a choice. Either forgive or hold onto bitterness from the past. I had a choice to dwell on the unknown answers to my questions that drove me to madness and sadness or focus on the here and now. I had a choice to be labeled as an orphan, or as a wanted child. It was all up to me. Yes, my culture was stripped from me, but not purposely, rather out of ignorance. I grew up as the minority anod stuck out like a sore thumb every where I went, but I also had the opportunity to rise to the occasion of success. I was stuck between two worlds, not knowing where I fit. Many times I was my own island. My battles were not fought in vain. And I know, no tears or prayers were ever wasted. Every struggle and sacrifice has made me a better person.
Now some thirty years later, Adoption, you have made me strong-willed and independent. You have also made me compassionate with wisdom and understanding. In spite of all the sadness and mysteries, I am a success in life and the honor of graditude goes to all those who helped me rise above my ashes. Adoption, you were never my idea. But you weren’t out of reach when my life depended on you. It was the hand of Providence that brought us together in the darkness to bring me into the light. And it will be the hand of Providence that guides me through your crazy and unexplainable mazes. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.